Guest Blog by Liz Sheffield: Rediscovering Writing through Motherhood

Adding to my Moms Who Write series, today I welcome Liz Sheffield as my guest blogger. Liz and I met during last year's Blogathon and have supported each other's blogging and Twitter efforts ever since. Liz lives with her husband and two young sons (age 8 and 4) near Seattle. She recently left her 11-year career in training and development to focus on raising her sons and developing her freelance writing business. Fittingly, her blog is called Motherlogue.

Annette: What prompted you to pursue writing even though you are the mother of two sons? Did you always write or did you become a writer while already being a mom?

Liz: I’ve always been a writer, but I took a hiatus for about ten years. It was the birth of my older son that thankfully brought me back to writing eight years ago. After he was born, I was searching for ways to express my thoughts about motherhood. The light bulb came on: I could write about it! I’m so grateful that the experience of motherhood brought me back into the world of writing.

Annette: Do you still hold a corporate job? How do you reconcile that with writing and parenting? (I worked a corporate consulting job until 4 years ago so this question is particularly interesting to me because people always thought I must have lots of energy to be pulling it all off, and that’s not something I would have ever said about myself.)

Liz: I left my corporate job in June. After 11 years it was a huge decision, and I’m grateful for the opportunity. I am now able to focus on raising our sons and on my freelance writing. Like you, Annette, people were always amazed by how much I was getting done while working full-time, mothering and writing part-time. Now that I’ve taken the full-time work off my plate, I’m also amazed. How was I doing it all? The answer is simple: I wasn’t sleeping much.

Does parenting influence your writing? Did your day job?

Parenting definitely influences my writing. Most of my published articles and essays are on the topic of parenting. My day job definitely gave me writing skills that I continue to use in writing and editing training materials for business clients, but I never wrote about my day job or saw that it influenced my writing. I had a colleague who worked as a temp for various companies. She had an anonymous blog where she wrote about various experiences and situations, but I was never comfortable letting my corporate and writing worlds overlap.

Do you actually use the time your kids are in school to write? Or do chores get in the way?

This is something I’m very focused about for the fall – staying true to my writing/work time, given that I’ll be working out of my home. I will have 15 hours each week when both of my sons will be in school – one is in pre-school and the other is in elementary school. It’s my goal to use those hours for my writing work, which includes the writing as well marketing to new business writing clients. This summer has shown me that it’s challenging to focus on writing while my boys are at home, so I know I need to make the most of the kid-free time I’ll have in the fall. (Google calendar is my friend – that’s where I schedule my writing time as well as track the schedule for our family.)

Do you have a particular writing routine?

I write a lot at night, after my sons have gone to sleep. I’m prone to getting distracted by various projects, so I recently started using a kitchen timer. I set it for 30 minutes and work on a specific project for that duration. Then I set it for another 30 minutes and work on the same project, or I start something new. This has helped me stay focused and reduced my time on social networking sites.

Do you have a particular place where you write?

I write in our home office at my desk next to the window. (On occasion my desk is also the home for various LEGO figures, stray spelling quizzes and carefully sketched drawings of Pokemon.) If I can’t focus or if I need some quiet space, I take my laptop to the local library.

In Memory of Munich

As the Olympic Games open in London, I dedicate my blog post today to the 40th anniversary of the massacre of eleven Israeli athletes by Palestinian terrorists at the Olympic Games in Munich in 1972.

As some of you might now, I grew up in the Munich area, and thus the Munich Olympics hold special meaning for me. I was a kid back then, but I remember how we stood by the roadside when the cycling race came up the hillside road we always took down to the banks of the Isar River. I also remember how the city got its first subway in preparation for the Olympics, and how excited my dad was about the new Olympic Stadium's cool tent roof design.

Sadly, I also remember my parents glued to the radio (we didn't have a TV) when the Israeli athletes were taken hostage. And I most vividly remember my father's dismay and utter embarrassment when the German police botched up the rescue mission at the Fürstenfeldbruck airstrip. Therefore, I am particularly sad that the IOC has again refused to allow a minute of silence in memory of this tragedy at the Olympic Games. If you're unaware of the controversy, both the Wall Street Journal and Tablet Magazine have excellent articles on what happened and the IOC's strange stance. Tablet Magazine is going dark for a few minutes at noon today, and I decided that was an excellent idea. Since I don't know how to go dark on Blogger, I simply offer this commemorative black post.

Sara Mansfield Taber on Airing Secrets

The Washington Independent Review of Books just published another author Q&A I did, this time with Sara Mansfield Taber, author of Born Under an Assumed Name. I did not get to read her answers to my questions before they were published (they were submitted via her publicist), so oddly enough, even though I "did" the interview, reading it was a fresh experience for me.

In Born under an Assumed Name, Taber explores what it means to be American. Born in Japan, her early childhood is spent on the colorful streets of late 1950s and early 1960s Taiwan, where her father works for the CIA. Living in China cements in her a love of all things Asian, and when she spends her late teenage years in Japan, she feels at home. And yet, she is more foreign there than ever, while she does fit, at least appearance-wise, into the suburban D.C. neighborhoods where the family is relegated between her father’s assignments.

The memoir details her coming of age and her father’s career which slowly takes its toll. Secrets, machinations that cost other people their lives, weigh heavily on her father’s soul. In her stunningly poetic language, Taber examines what it means to live between cultures because of an organization that proves increasingly dangerous and unreliable, and to eventually make peace with a past fraught with unsettling decisions.

A particular benefit of this interview is that Taber also teaches writing, and so her answers were particularly astute when it came to the challenges of writing memoir. Here's her answer to my question about airing secrets:

Annette Gendler: The power of secrets is one of your main themes. Do you feel writing a memoir helps in airing secrets? And why is it important to do so?

Sara Mansfield  Taber: Secrets hold great power and almost call out for exposure. The whole issue of secrets and secret-keeping is a knotty and interesting one to me. Are secrets allowed? In individuals? In government agencies? In countries? When are secrets damaging and when might they be beneficial or even essential? Huge questions. I suspect that secrets and secrecy are of keen and inherent interest to many of us who have grown up with parents living under cover or engaged in secret intelligence work. I also posit that the secrecy that is practiced in a spy’s family is of a particular and odd kind, in that there can be a kind of thrall in which the family and children are held. This thrall leads some to cleave to the mystery, thrill and secret-maintenance, and others, like me, to poke about in it.

Of course, much memoir writing is a search to uncover the truth: to find out a secret or to air known but un-uttered secrets. The secret that is sought might simply be “Who am I?” or it might be “What was my father up to when he slipped away at night?” To find these things out can be essential to one’s sense of oneself, one’s understanding of one’s heritage or the direction one takes in life. A secret that needs to be aired often is a secret that has in some way caused harm. This sort of secret might be one of child abuse or incest or alcoholism — secrets that often keep the secret-holders trapped or confined in some way.

As for the secrets in spies’ families, there is, most fundamentally, the big secret of the parent’s concealed work. That may not be too problematic in itself. But a life of lying, concealment and secrecy, and the associated required stoicism and silence, can have long-term inhibiting effects on spies and their families. In my case, I wanted to air my father’s secret and examine his life as a spy because he suffered from the lying, secrecy and silence required by his job, and consequently, so did the rest of the family. I wanted to break the silence, to point to the subtle or stark harm that can sometimes be caused to families and the spies themselves by life in the CIA. Secrecy and silence can become a habit that works against emotional openness and human connection. As a CIA family, we were supposed to be stoics, and maintain face even while we were under stress and while a lot was going on under the surface. This was a secret I wanted to release: to say out loud that stoicism and silence can hinder rather than abet human intimacy and joy. I wanted to break the silence: to write about the emotional story, the untold story underneath the beguilement and glamour of Hollywood tales of intelligence work.

To answer your question, yes, of course, writing a memoir facilitates the airing of secrets. That is often its basic purpose. I should add that not all secrets should be revealed. It is essential that some secrets be kept secret. To air the surname under which I was born would break a trust and might put people I don’t know in danger, for instance. Which secrets should be aired and which not is a fascinating question.

Read the entire interview here.

My First Piece of Custom Furniture

Since I was on the subject of home interiors yesterday featuring a Spanish Colonial House I visited in Shanghai, I thought I'd share a peek into my home with a little piece of furniture that makes me happy, namely the mini table I had custom built to hold the magazines in my bathroom.

In a way it's part of my old decluttering project to find proper places for things we use every day. I'd been searching catalogs for a long, long time looking for a table that would fit into this spot, but all side tables were too high, and the low ones I did find were too wide. Also, none featured the two shelves I wanted: One for my usual stack of magazines and catalogs, and a lower one for art books. (An idea I picked up in an apartment we rented in Paris where the owner had art museum guides shelved in the bathroom - the few minutes one spends on the throne are ideal to read up on a painting or sculpture, right?)

I've never had a piece of furniture custom built before, but when a friend made the connection to an Amish craftsman (Country Furniture Restoration) in Indiana who fixed a broken kitchen cabinet door for us, I thought to myself, why not ask this guy whether he could build me a little table? He could. I only had to provide a drawing of what I was envisioning, along with the measurements. I communicated via my friend as Amish don't use the Internet and the phone only indirectly, and so you ideally have to stop by in person. The one question that came back was whether the table was really supposed to be that low (14"). Yes, it was supposed to be, since it was meant to fit under the toilet paper holder (I didn't tell the guys that...). Now it does, and my magazines don't sit on the floor anymore.

Having something custom built sounds fancy, but really, I don't think there's anything fancy about a table under a toilet paper holder. Nevertheless, it goes to show that thanks to this little table, at least one spot in our place is perfect now.

A Spanish Colonial House in Shanghai

After featuring a renovated Shanghai lane house, I want to give you another insight into living in contemporary Shanghai with a few shots of the home of Patricia Lambert, which I was fortunate enough to visit on the last day of my trip. Built in 1925 in the Spanish Colonial style, it's not at all what I would have expected to find behind one of the typical walls in the midst of the former French Concession. But this type of house is indeed evidence of Shanghai's cosmopolitan architecture dating from the first half of the 20th century, when many immigrants, refugees and world travelers brought their styles to Shanghai.

Patricia's art gallery front line contemporary is in the entrance wing of the house. While I was visiting in late March, she had just held the opening to an exhibit of the work of Annelies Slabbynck, who uses medical devices, old garmets and, in one piece, old teeth, to create a "mirror reflection of human life, and its related existential questions, which go hand in hand with the natural evolutionary process of the human body" (her own words). The above picture is looking out at the courtyard from the gallery through one of Annelies Slabbynck's "skeletons."

Who wouldn't love an idyllic view like this? Especially in the middle of a huge city?

The bamboo fence had just been painted and so the courtyard smelled of fresh varnish when we were there.

Speaking of bamboo fences, here's a detail from a bamboo fence, not from the one at Patricia's house, but I took this photo on the very same walk through the French Concession area. I just loved the pattern and texture of these very high and yet rather thin, woven fences.

Stepping inside Patricia's house, I realized it is one of those homes that could be featured in a home decor magazine. Everything is curated, and, Patricia being an avid collector of art deco and antique Chinese furniture and art, no piece here seems trivial, or purely functional.

The Living Room

The Dining Room

A hooked rug spread between the dining and living room features Shanghai's Bund waterfront as it would have looked around the turn of the 20th century.

Here, a glimpse of the 1920s kitchen beyond a carefully staged corner featuring a contemporary Chinese art piece, a child's dress sewn of paper.

Guest Blog by Tia Bach: Have Laptop, Will Travel

Further in my Moms Who Write series, I am happy to welcome Tia Bach today, whom I consider one of my good blogging friends. We met during last year's Blogathon and have kept in touch ever since. We even wrote each other actual handwritten letters during a letter writing challenge Tia did a few months ago, something I found particularly touching.

Tia is the award-winning co-author of Depression Cookies (written with her mother, Angela Silverthorne), an avid blogger at Depression Cookies and Mom in Love with Fiction and a freelance editor. She’s also mom to three girls ages 12, 10, and 7 and proud wife to Ed for 17 years, and here she shares how she manages to write:

Annette: What prompted you to pursue writing even though you are the mother of three daughters? Did you always write or did you become a writer while already being a mom?

Tia: My heart always knew, even when I wasn’t aware, that I wanted to write. Prior to having kids, I was a technical writer. I felt comfortable with journalism, but a little voice always tempted me to pursue creative writing.

When my first child was born, I was terrified. Suddenly my fear of creative writing was trumped by the fear of raising a child. An overwhelming desire to write a novel took over. I called my mom with an idea: to write a coming of age mother-daughter tale together. She said yes, and we never looked back.

How did you find time to finish one book manuscript while having little ones at home?

My first novel, Depression Cookies, took ten years from idea to publication. In the first five years, I had three kids in three different locations: Chicago, San Diego, and Baltimore. Then, I moved to Colorado. For lack of a better answer, I wrote when I could. It became my escape and stress relief. Free therapy.

I needed to finish the book, to prove to myself that I could accomplish something just for me. As a mom, the world revolves around your children. I didn’t want to get lost in the spin cycle. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And my husband will tell you... I am quite stubborn and willful.

Plus, there’s an upside to writing with your mother. She’ll lovingly nag you to get her a chapter.

Do you actually use the time they are in school to write? Or do chores get in the way?

For my first novel, I never had all three in school. I did most of my writing in the early hours of the morning or late at night. The nice thing about three kids… they trained me to function on very little sleep. I also had to learn to look past dust bunnies and piles of laundry until they could no longer be ignored.

Writing keeps me sane and gives me sense of personal accomplishment. But, my muse is fickle and terrified of the chaos my children create. So I try to coax her out when the house is very quiet and still. Now, I write as soon as the last kid leaves for school and before anything else can distract me.

When she sent me this picture, Tia titled it "working mom."

Do you have a particular writing routine?

No, but I’m working on it. I prefer writing in the morning, but it’s hard during the school year. My house starts buzzing around 6:30 a.m. during the week. But weekend mornings are my time.

Of course, now it’s summer. Did I mention my muse is terrified by my kids? This summer, I have a new trick. So far it’s working. I set a timer for 20 minutes and give my girls a writing prompt. They write (and draw) in their journals while I work on my novel. I am also back to setting my alarm for early morning writing time. Again, where there’s a will...

Do you have a particular place where you write?

Have laptop, will travel. I get bored with the same scenery, so I “set up office” all around my house. Drives my husband crazy. Sometimes it’s the kitchen table, sometimes the chair in our bedroom, sometimes the dining room. Occasionally, I’ll go to Starbucks. And when I’m feeling really edgy, I’ll set up in our home office. I’ve even been known to grab a notebook and pen and find a quiet spot outdoors For me, I’ve found writing begets writing. The hardest part is sitting down and focusing. I truly believe my kids benefit from a happy mom, and this mom is happiest when the words flow.

Tornado Trees

Our property out in the country of northwestern Indiana got hit by a tornado last weekend. Thankfully, none of the buildings were damaged, but as we walked around earlier this week, it was quite amazing to us urbanites to see how big healthy trees were twisted off in a seeminly random pattern.

Other trees were simply bent over in long elegant curves. The energy stored in this one is almost visible as it seems ready to snap up if that other stump were lifted off.

Here the half moon root ball of a fallen tree and with it the half moons of the trees it bent over.

Snapped!

Already a leaf has settled.

Toothpicks in the forest.

I shouldn't delight in the symmetry of destruction but I still love how these two aspen fell perfectly parallel.

While these twisted-off tree tops look rather comical, they're also quite dangerous as they are too high up for us to get them down, and yet, at some point they will come down. Also, interestingly, dead trees like these were left standing while healthier ones were felled. The theory is that without foliage there was less mass there for the wind to grab and beat around.

One fine mess for us to pick up.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy Independence Day!

I've been a bit quiet on this blog these past few days as my husband and I have this one week when all three kids are away at camp, and my credo is to do as little as possible as this is the only real vacation I am going to get this summer.

Temperatures are around 100F here in the Midwest, so we are staying inside as much as we can. Perfect for reading, watching movies we've long meant to see, and just hanging out, talking to each other without being interrupted. All parents will know what I mean...

Still, here's wishing you a happy 4th with a picture I took on our recent trip to small town America, a.k.a. Lafayette, Indiana, where we dropped one of our sons off at summer camp at Purdue University. Perhaps, if I do feel like doing something, I'll put together a little photo essay of that picturesque small town. Till then, keep cool if you're in the Midwest, or enjoy the outdoors if you've been spared the heat.